I’m writing this as much for me as for you. This post was not planned. This post is written because I spent this morning beating myself up. It’s currently 12:20 in the afternoon, and I was sitting here giving out because I can’t seem to get myself to leave the house to go to the gym. I know, it’s ridiculous, and eventually, I realized this.
“You haven’t gone to the gym in three days!”
This is the main thought going through my head. But the thing is, I haven’t gone to the gym, but I have been exercising, and pretty well at that. I’ve been doing at home dumbbell workouts, and yesterday walked for hours and hours. I’ve been active, just not in the way that I ideally would have liked to be (I love the gym more then anything) But do you know what, life happens, I’ve been busy, I’ve been sick, I’ve had plans, and there is a difference between making excuses, and being reasonable with yourself. And we all just need to let some things slide, and kick those guilty feelings.
“But you don’t have a reason not to go today”
First of all babe, it’s midday, you’re not in work, you have ALL day, calm down. The problem this morning seems to be that I woke up feeling anxious, not super anxious, but anxious, and I just don’t feel like I want to leave the house just yet. I know if i had work or an appointment or something, I could leave the house, but because I don’t have to leave, it’s a little bit harder to get that motivation. But the thing is, if I’m feeling this way, and have the chance to do whatever makes me feel a bit better, then why not do it. But as those with anxiety will know, the anxiety is making me feel bad about the thing I’m not doing because of the anxiety, and making the anxiety worse. It’s a fun little cycle.
“But you’ve already eaten so much today, you should really exercise”
But in fact, I haven’t eaten that much. A bit more than I normally do by this time, but a) it was all healthy foods, and b) it wasn’t even that much. As well as this, a little over eating isn’t going to kill me, it’s a little, and in the grand scheme of things, I’m a pretty healthy person (Some might even say a Health Obsessed Vegan) Plus if I do want to exercise, I have all day, and knowing me I will end up doing some sort of exercise by the end of the day because I simply just love it.
Now I’m lucky, I’ve come so so far. these type of thoughts don’t come around very often, and if they do, like today, they’re fleeting. My health obsession is now a very healthy one, as opposed to the very unhealthy obsessions I used to have a few years back. I’m obsessed in a way that I just love to fuel my body, and eat foods that make me feel good, which is great! But sometimes these thoughts can and do creep back in for a minute.
So the reason I wrote this (other than to make myself feel a bit better) is to show anyone who happens to read this, that it’s okay. It’s okay to have off days, it’s okay to have lazy days, it’s okay to have days where you eat a little more, and most of all, it’s okay to feel a little shitty at times.
I know this post is a bit of a rant, and a bit all over the place, but you know what, that’s okay too. I hope you read this and realize that everyone has these days, that someday you can learn to have a healthy relationship with food, exercise and of course your mental health, as messed up as it may be. I know I already feel ten times better.
So let me know. Anyone else having one of these days? Or had one recently? Because we are all human and no one is perfect all the time.
Thanks for reading,
Health Obsessed Vegan xx